最近拉雜看了一些有關婚外情的哲學討論, 包括對婚外情的定義, 及其道德對錯等.
對婚外情最簡單的理解就是, 在穩定關係以外與第三者發展有情有性的關係. "有情有性"是重要的條件, 因為如果祇有性活動 (例如召妓, 一夜情)還未算是婚外的情; 但是假如祇有情而無性呢, 又不一定是很錯誤的行為.
我想說的是, 反對婚外情的論點耳熟能詳, 但是維護婚外情的論點卻不多見. 以下想到一個, 好像還沒有人提起過的:
婚姻是好事, 因為 (one of the reasons)有感情的性關係是好事. 但如果我們接受這一點的話, 我們亦應接受在婚外情的活動裡面, 也有這種好的成份在內.
當然, 婚外情不對因為它是一種瞞騙的行為; 但是假如當事人只是瞞著另一方在做一件好事的話, 那當然又不同了. 例如老李的老婆最憎李生去老人院做義工, 嫌那裡的氣味很大. 她自己不去, 也不讓老李去. 老李口頭承諾了不去, 卻在一段時間維持著這個義工服務.
在上面的例子, 難以判定老李的行為必然錯, 或者很錯, same for adultery.
當然, 有人認為隱瞞性活動與隱瞞做義工是很不同的, 但這點沒有甚麼新意, 我可以用原來的論點來回應它 (如果婚姻是好的話, 我們就是接受婚外情也有好的成份, 因為性加感情不是壞事云云 ...)
Willsin,
回覆刪除有人認為婚姻 is not just about sex & love.
Actually most of the times, faithfulness is the key. A very different starting point to discuss further.
跟一個人做是好事的事，跟另外一個人也做，便不一定也是好事。例如：答應一個人把自己的其中一個腎捐给他以救他一命，那是好事，但如果同時答應另一個人這樣做，那便不是好事了。
回覆刪除你可能會反驳說，這是因為你只能捐出一個腎；對，但我想指出的只是，不能只看那事本身，因為可能還有其他決定性的因素。
一般人認為婚外情是錯的，是因為他們認為婚姻包含了雙方承諾只與對方有性關係（但這承諾不必是明言的）；錯在不守承諾，不在瞞騙（即使擺明有婚外情而不瞞騙，一般人也認為是錯的）。假如有對夫婦互相容許對方搞婚外情，一早講清楚沒有上述的承諾（英文叫open marriage），那麼一般人便不一定會認為這樣的婚外情是錯的（雖然他們可能不會接受這種婚姻方式）。
I'm just looking at it from a practical standpoint:
回覆刪除Sex is a good thing, but it does come with consequences and complications. One big difference between 隱瞞性活動 and 隱瞞做義工 is that one who engages in the former might pass on sexually transmitted diseases (which include something as serious as HIV/AIDS) to his or her spouse. The way marriage normally works in modern society, is that it acts kind of as a contract between the two person to have a sexual relationship exclusively with each other. You can expect "safe sex" (or if a partner was already infected with sexually transmitted disease prior to the marriage), one would at least know about it and takes the proper precaution. If one is hiding his or her extra-marital sexual relationship without the knowledge of the spouse, he or she is exposing the spouse risks - risks that the spouse did not willingly choose to take. Okay, if it's an open marriage, than two parties have mutually agreed on taking the risks, I assume. Or they could possibly make arrangements to manage the risks. I don't know how they work these things out.
Also, sex comes with the possibility of pregnancy for women in child-bearing age. So what if a woman got pregnant while she was having an affair with another man. Then what? Women are the ones who usually have to take more of the fallout if that happens. So, because of the possibility of pregnancy, the practice of extra-marital affair is not a gender neutral.
To Anonyomous,
回覆刪除On Pregnancy and HIV,I think you have underestimated the effectiveness of condom and other contraceptive devices.
Wong,
假如有感情交流的性 (或者是有性的感情交流)是好事, 不見得祇能跟一個人做.
但是, 因為有瞞騙或不守承諾的因素, 而影響了當事人與元配的感情交流, 這一點我是承認的.
但我說是"影響了", 卻並不必然令當事人與情人的婚外情成為壞事, 因為它本質上與其他親密關係沒有分別, 都是好事.
catcat,
"Faithfulness is the key." true. But love is important too.
Suppose a person cannot offer faithfulness to his spouse, but still loves his spouse. He may still nevertheless engage in a meaningful relationship with her.
Of course, someone may argue that love does not exist without faithfulness. But I don't agree with this point anyway.
can’t agree more
回覆刪除just like can’t refute hume’s famous remark
“reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions”
meili
About condoms. the effectiveness is zero if they are not actually put on. And yes, people don't always do the responsible thing and put on the condom. And a woman (or a man) has not control over if a condom was used or not when he is having sex with another woman outside of the marriage. If it wasn't, she would be sharing the risk of getting sexually transmitted diseases (and it doesn't have to be something as dramatic as HIV) without her knowledge. "Without her knowledge" is the part that I'm trying to emphasize here to say how lying about extra-marital sex is different lying about volunteering at the nursing home.
回覆刪除And for all contraceptives, they are not 100% effective even if they are used properly. For example, the failure rate of birth control pills is 1-3% if used perfectly. But sometimes women skipped a pill, etc. So the actual failure rate would be quite a bit higher than 3% . In short, women do get pregnant by accident. Men don't tend to think about this risk. (I guess they aren't always around when women have the panic over whether they unexpectedly got pregnant or not) And even if the risk is low, it's there. And the consequence is huge if you are the unlucky one to be that 0.001%.
The point I wanted to make is that people probably have not done some sort of cost-and-benefit analysis to see if the extra-marital affair is worth the risk or not. They tend to overlook or underestimate the risk.
To say that someone has 1% chance to meet a consequence means that the consequence will almost certainly not happen to that person.
回覆刪除A proper cost benefit analysis should consist in a realistic understanding of the meaning of probability and chances.
To say that people should not do something because there is a 1-3% chance that something unfortunate will happen to them - is the same as saying that people should not do anything at all.
Buildings can collaspe and cars can crash. Children can die of all kinds of diseases and people can betray.
It does not mean that we should not stay in apartments, bear children, and engage in relationships.
willsin
故此,道德很難齋從思辨理性的角度去分析;
回覆刪除究竟婚外情對不對,這要在具體的處境下才可下決定.
單從原則上說,要找出一條一理適用於一切情況的道德原則,這似乎很難.
有時婚外情的存在, 會對一些感情將破裂及面臨離婚的夫妻, 會幫助他們造成感情更加鞏固, 因為男方....他會有內疚感...未嘗對正印為是一件好事.
回覆刪除至於, 用義工來偷換婚外情的概念....義工與道德何干?
沒有"偷換"甚麼概念.
回覆刪除婚外情就好像背妻做義工一樣.
你要反對就要仔細看看我的論證的推論過程.
常見網民講「偷換概念」
回覆刪除不知始作俑者是哪個哲學敗類
理清思路而言
這是一瓢渾水
每當網民大義凜然地祭出這
其勁道
主要是來自那個「偷」
同一碼事
西方人稱之為稻草人
中性
不訴諸道德
但
到了東方人手裡
就搞起了道德審判
思路檢驗該具有的嚴謹冰冷蕩然無存